life pretty much sucks when you're kam!

Kam: i hit a car this morning

me: was there any bad damage?
Kam: yeah
i put a huge dent over the tire
in the neighbors car
and i damaged teh back corner of the prius
of the family i live with
how much is a deductible normally?

me: i have no idea
i never drive

Kam: so its not even my car
i took the day off work

me: oh good!
you can think about paying for the damage with all the money you are not making today

Soft Little Cuddly Things

me: omgosh

an australian man had a baby with his daughter

he left her when she was 1

and wasn't reunited until she was 30 and he was 60

and they were in love w/ each other

groooooosso
Morgan: her dad

?

human beings are...awful

me: i just got an update!

turns out they met when she was 15

but they lied and said she was 30\

ewwwwwwers

Morgan: i am vomiting

not really

you knwo what

i suddenly miss my little mexican friend named emil

Wild Animals in The Winter

Morgan: oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
me: ah ah ah ah me: we could be monkeys

6 minutes

Morgan:aahachahahchhcahcahcahcach

Ok, you have to watch The Office to get this (Yeah I'm talking to you Morgan)

Morgan: i think we're getting 5 inches of rain per hour right now

2:36 PM me: are you exaggerating

2:40 PM Morgan: that's what billy said

2:41 PM me: is that what she said
Morgan: what who

2:48 PMbilly is a he with a monotonous voice and no friends

oooo bummer

me: omg kam what could possibly be crappy about todya

Kam: EVERYTHING

i think this may top the list as one of the worst work days ever

4:23 PM me: aww

what happened sweetie

tell mama all about it
Kam:[truncated].............an abusive boss.............fairy godmother..........paranoid...........

..............self-aggrandizing people.......ahhh this is a really long story..................evil..............

........................she's going to hell.................................crazy fucking passaggressive psycho.........she was sick.................
......everyone was freaking out........why did you send the police..............shes so fucking evil...................................... and it turned out they had an anuerism

*anurism?

spelling?

and they died

me: aneurism

4:35 PM Kam: and there was another guy

who had asthma and he didnt show up

but he was reaching for the phone

but he died

before he could reach it.......................
and basically for a majority of the day

i've been internally freaking out...........

me: you sound like you need to breathe into a bag for a while

And Now Everyone Really Knows!

me: this april fools joke isnt flying real well

Morgan: uhoh

me: me: I'M PREGNANT
As(s)hu(le): what
me: yes
As(s)hu(le): i have an extra hanger, i'll be right over

2:29 PM Morgan: LOlZ

2:35 PM me: i think he knows its a joke

42 minutes

3:18 PM Morgan: hi kam

how's the little baby kam

kickin around in there

me: no

i have to go to phonathon today

Morgan: tell them you can't

3:19 PM you're preg and need your rest

me: they wont believe me

Morgan: then tomorrow april fools 'em

me: everyone knows i'm not getting laid

a pair of young beauties

M Kam: ah young life

3:11 PM my life is nowhere near exciting

but! it will be!

once it gets warm

3:15 PM me: exactly!

my life is only ever exciting in the summertime

i feel like a troll in the winter

hiding in a cave, miserable and zitty

3:17 PM Kam: well i'm flaky

b/c of my dry skin

if you combined us, maybe we would be semi-ok

except i'm still troll like

3:18 PM me: Oh honey i have both

i have eczema on my legs now as of this morning

3:19 PM i got in the shower after my run and was like "hey why are my legs burning"

"oh look at all the nice red bumps and patches"

"damn i have HOT LEGS"

and kam

us combined

3:20 PM we'd be magnetic

we'd make some kind of magical nymph

3:22 PM Kam: our flakes would be like pixie dust

me: eeeeeech

3:23 PM Kam: hahah that was pretty gross, wasn't it?